Post op thoughts

Well, I think yesterday will be one of those days forever in my memory. But, as memories fade, here are some moments I do not want to forget. This is more for me than anyone.

1) When we were checking in at the admissions desk, I looked over and saw a beautiful almost life size nativity of Mary, and Joseph, and Baby Jesus nestled so beautifully against a lit background and poinsettas. That tenderness of it all touched me. But especially as I walked by and noticed this cute mom with her two kiddos (http://givehopetobensonandclaire.blogspot.com/) crouched down with her little girl in her pink stroller looking at Baby Jesus on their way to her baby girl's DAILY 3 hour DIALYSIS treatment. She looked up at me and smiled, almost knowingly and reassuringly as if "I know what your kid is about to experience." For me, just taking Bella to surgery for the third time was enough for me. I can not even imagine what it would be like to go for every day procedures. But the great thing is that I just learned her little girl will be getting a new kidney TONIGHT! She will be in that same preop area and PACU and everything that Bella was in. It just brings tears to my eyes to think about all the struggles they have had and will have to deal with. I am grateful for only a little eye surgery. Click on the link above to learn more on their story.

2) The worst part of yesterday: Getting Bella to drink the tylenol mixed with the drug that makes you forget and calm down. It was pink but she would have none of it in pre op. She spit half of it back into my hands while screaming and being restrained and me turning into Medusa mom "you have to drink this NOW!! Do not spit it out!!!" Luckily, it still took affect.

3) The best part of yesterday: Being able to go in the PACU (post anesthesia care unit) or recovery room as soon (ok 15 minutes) after she came out of the OR to hold her while she woke up. I walked into this huge 40 bed PACU. I could just see rows and rows of beds with half asleep people. None of the curtains were drawn because they don't let visitors in there. But Bella was put there because the pediatric one was full and they have the parents come back for kids (note to Columbus' Children's to do the same asap). Bella was in the far corner but I immediately knew where she was. She was the only child in there. There was a high pitched cry for Mama(!) and a crowd of people hovered around the only rocking chair in there with the nurse trying to soothe her. As soon as I got her settled in my arms she went right back to sleep the anesthesia off. They immediately pulled the curtains all around me (probably so I wouldn't see any of the other 30 something patients). I got to sit and just hold and rock her sleeping form in there for at least an hour and just breathe her in. When do you get to do that?!

4) Worst part of today: Trying to hold her down and get drops in her eyes 4 times a day without poking her in the eyes. Plus get her to swallow medicine every 6 hours. Believe me, she needs it, you can tell when she doesn't have her meds she just cries and cries and lays around. Bribes do not work since her memory from yesterday. I spent about 1/2 hour trying to bribe the first dose and then decided turning into Medusa it is. I still spent about 2 hours today trying to do this. Any suggestions would be appreciated . . .

5) Another happy memory: The rush I always get from walking in a hospital. I love the smell of the latex and hand sanitizer and everything (ok almost everything). My adrenaline starts pumping even now as I think about it. I love talking about medical stuff, and being able to help people and explain things, and do chest compressions, and start IVs, and even help hold a bowl for someone when they puke. I love thinking about all the things I did in the hospitals back in Ohio. I LOVE learning and I LOVE teaching. I love being that person--that nurse. Sometime maybe I'll be back there working, but for now, that memory alone can take me to a happy place.

BUT For now, I'll be my Bella's nurse. And hold her down and make her have her antibiotic/steroid drops. And then give her gum drops and tell her how much I love her. And give her lots of loves and stories and cuddles. And guide her hands since she's seeing double. And talk about sometimes we have to do hard things, etc. etc. And wait, and worry, and watch for signs of infection since I'm not sure how much of the drop she actually gets between clenched eye lids. And keep Hoping that this surgery will have made things better.

And help her get better because I love her and care about her much more than I could any other job.